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The Sacred Biochemistry of Self-acceptance

6/8/2016

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​“Integrated inner work does not seek to overcome or perfect the body. It does not cultivate an aversion to any aspect of our humanity, nor is it about trying to get somewhere other than in our bodies. Rather it seeks to become more self-aware, self-accepting and compassionate within the lived experience of our bodies.”  
​​A few years ago, I fell in love with Julian Walker’s little book Awakened Heart, Embodied Mind: A Modern Yoga Philosophy Infused with Somatic Psychology & Neuroscience. Given this week to considering the Yoga of Darkness, I come back to it here, seeking refuge and rootedness in the biology of transformation. All quotations in this piece are from Walker. I hope you find as much hope in the process as I do.
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​There are certain stages along the path to growth. Georg Feuerstein labeled these as
  • ​Self-observation
  • Self-acceptance
  • Self-understanding
  • Self-discipline
  • Self-actualization
  • Self-transcendence
  • & Self-transformation

And while we progress along these in a somewhat linear way, until we come to the end we don’t outgrow any of them. We begin at the beginning, with observation and acceptance, and continue observing and accepting as long as we want to keep on the path.

Call it mindfulness, call it witness-consciousness — self-observation is the act of becoming aware of our thoughts and processes, our drives and hang ups.

And when we start to really see what’s inside, it can be pretty damn uncomfortable. It might be disappointing, disheartening, or downright scary. You may, as I did, realize a depth of mental illness that seems unrecoverable. You may find violence and dread; antipathy, weakness, disease; resentment, jealousy, or maybe systemic resignation.

Regardless of what you find, the next step is acceptance. 

​No matter what we find when we turn within, that is where we are. To deny it or berate ourselves because of it is not the way forward; acceptance and compassion are. 

​“Compassion is an attitude of empathy toward the reality of human suffering. On the mat this means turning toward yourself with the same level of kindness and care you would offer a very close friend or dearly beloved.” 
​The work is to simply be present with what we find. 
​“Being present is an open attitude to what arises in awareness as the breath moves in and out.”
​
“Authentic presence is the greatest gift we can give ourselves and one another. It becomes the hallmark of a more integrated person who can be with self and other, shadow and light, struggle and grace authentically.”
And this is the beginning of change, a real and lasting and biologically based change:
​“In neuroscience terms, we train the brain to be in a state of mindfulness when we choose again and again to stay present with sensations. We are being mindful of our bodies and breath and the moment to moment unfolding of the experience of sensations. This mindfulness state has been shown to activate neuroplasticity—our brain’s ability to transform not only function but also structure in response to experience.
​
“We literally enter a zone of transformational possibility at the level of the brain when we are in meditative states. We can be mindful in many different ways, but being mindful in relations to our bodies brings together a set of brain functions that make insight, compassion and integration possible in powerful ways.”
By simply experiencing our embodiment, staying connected to our breath, observing and accepting what arises with compassion, we allow our brains to rewire toward peace.
“We think of these three principles [breath, presence, and compassion] of transformational neuroplasticity as a doorway into the ‘sacred biochemistry’ of yoga practice. They represent both a poetic and science-informed way of seeking to frame the experiential processes of self-transformation through yoga and meditation.”
​To put this together with Feuerstein's stages: through the discipline of embodiment, we observe, accept and come to understand ourselves. We heal; we grow. Our brains heal, and our brains grow. We blossom, actualizing into our best selves. Eventually, we have transcendent experiences of union. We transform into beings of sacred radiance.

And it begins with compassionate acceptance of the darkness within.
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The Secret to Every Yoga Posture (Yoga Basics #3)

7/10/2015

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I love freaks. I have profound respect for people who turn their challenging differences into triumphs and those who push at arbitrary social boundaries.

But becoming a contortionist or a strongwoman or man is not what asana practice is about.

Originally asana meant “seat.” When Patanjali used it in the Yoga Sutras it meant “seated meditation posture.” It wasn’t until Hatha Yoga began in the 10th century that it came to refer to postures meant to build physical and mental endurance.

In the records we have of early asana, up to the 19th century, nearly all of the postures are seated. There are a few inversions, like shoulder stand and plow, and a couple are done lying on your back. There are only two standing poses and they are both balances.

The original yogis held postures for very long stretches of time. It was during the era of the British Raj that asana practice the way we know and love it was born. In the quest for an Indian exercise regime to answer to British “physical culture” and to strengthen the populace in pursuit of independence, the postures of Hatha Yoga were blended with exercises from Indian wrestling and European gymnastics.

The genius was maintaining focus on one’s breath. This is what gives yoga asana its unique mental and spiritual benefits. Being able to touch your head with your foot gives you no assurance of personal development; but being able to stay present in this moment with what is – whatever that is – that makes sparks fly! It creates strong connections in the empathic, intuitive, and higher order thinking parts of your brain; it gives perspective on life that helps you escape a narrow view and gain the wisdom of the big picture; it creates a sense of spaciousness within that will help you transcend the ego and find peace.

The secret to every yoga asana is that it doesn’t matter what your body looks like in a pose. It doesn’t matter how deeply you can enter a posture physically. As long as your alignment is good and there’s no pain or strain, the posture itself is secondary.

What matters is your ability to be in the pose, to not let your mind wander away. It takes practice. There are a lot of thoughts that fight for our attention during an asana practice. When I started, mine sounded like this: “I should be able to go deeper. That person isn’t doing it right. Am I showing too much cleavage? I’m better at this than half the class. When will the teacher let us out? I shouldn’t have had that sandwich. Half the class is better than me at this.” And on and on. Because that’s what brains are built to do.

But keep coming back to your breath and your body with patience and compassion and eventually you’ll find acceptance and then peace of mind.

In the meantime you’ll gain all the physical benefits of yoga – strength, flexibility, balance, a healthier heart, better digestion, and a stronger immune system. And that will give you the physical stamina to take your newfound joy out into your relationships, your work, your world.

All you have to do is keep coming back, back to your practice, to your body, and to your breath. Eventually you will find freedom: freedom from your thoughts, from your ego, and from your cultural conditioning. And maybe you will become a freak. Not a contortionist or a strongwoman or man, but that rarest of all types of human, enlightened.
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Reconnecting with the Body

5/10/2015

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At 14, I was raped. That was when I started to separate from my body, to see it as the robot that carries my brain around.

I spent my twenties as an academic, becoming more and more abstracted from the physical.

Having lived my whole life predisposed toward anxiety, by my mid-30s I was paralyzed with fear. When my disorder was at its peak, my entire body hurt. My muscles were tense; my joints were stiff; at times my shoulders and neck were so rigid, touching them made me flinch. I had daily headaches and the muscles in my jaw were tight enough to create an underbite. (I still have to wear an appliance at night to correct it.) On top of that I slept poorly, often with night sweats; I was frequently nauseous; and I felt like I had to pee all the time.

I saw my body as a traitor.

But there was a flaw in my thinking. It was in seeing my body as something separate from my mind.

Our minds don’t end at the base of the brain. We have neurons throughout our bodies, and ganglion, or clusters of neurons, especially at the heart, solar plexus, and gut. These neurons transmit important messages, even though they don’t use words.

My body was trying to tell me that something was very, very wrong.

In the Taittiriya Upanishad, written when people had lifetimes to sit and ponder these things, it says each of us has five koshas or bodies that intertwine: 

(1) the physical body
(2) the prana body, made of life energy (chi or ki in Chinese medicine)
(3) the mind body, made of sensation and emotion
(4) the wisdom body, made of perception, understanding, and higher thinking
(5) the bliss body, which is the Soul itself.

So, body, energy, mind, wisdom, and Soul.

These are, until we die, completely enmeshed in one another. Spiritual progression occurs as we accept and nurture every level of our being, from the most solid to the most rarified.

On the mat, step one is to reconnect with our physical bodies. To observe, accept, and nurture. To practice compassion toward ourselves. All the while remembering that you are not your body, any more than you are your passing thoughts. You are a Soul; you are Love. 


And for the time being, your body, your energy, your sensations, emotions, ideas, and even ecstasies--they are all a part of the same manifestation of the Sacred through which you get to experience this life. Good things come from embracing this body-mind, with its flesh and bones and brain, for the mind-blowing entity that it is: a fleeting outward expression of the Sacred becoming conscious of itself.
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